Hope & Faith...Where babies come from.

Photo by Taylor Lee Photography

          I really wanted to write about this because I think it's a topic that isn't talked about enough.  Infertility.  I know, we have posted a lot of pictures lately about our future little men, but that isn't the story I want to focus on, or at least not that part of the story.  It's the road we took to get here that has made this time in our lives so special to us, and one we could never take for granted.  Yes, we are having twins, yes we are excited, yes I may be posting more pictures than you feel like seeing about our pregnancy, but it wasn't an easy journey getting here, and that's the part people never talk about.  Infertility is widely misunderstood, but it is considered a struggle to conceive, or in some cases, it refers to a complete inability to do so.  While I know this topic may be taboo, it shouldn't be.  Infertility isn't rare!!  So why do we act like it is, or feel ashamed when faced with it?  Maybe if more of us were to talk about it, those of us struggling with it would feel less alone, and be given hope at a time when we need it most.

          When a couple decides they're ready to start a family, they think, okay easy enough, lose the protection, stop being careful, then voila! Baby's coming!  Which, true, some people are blessed with that situation, and trust me, I think that's wonderful for them.  However, those of us who get blindsided by months or years of trying for a baby, know it is a completely gut-wrenching and emotionally draining roller coaster that you really can't prepare for.  Makes you wonder why you spent days agonizing over a "late period" back in the day, or regretting the $$$ you spent on plan B, cause let's face it, that is NOT cheap, or even the cash you've spent on BC (pre-Obama that is).  

          But we are blessed to be living in a time where there are so many other options.  If we can't get pregnant naturally on our own, there's medical intervention, there's adoption, there's surrogacy.  I was raised Catholic and I know there are people who say medical intervention is unnatural, and if you can't get pregnant naturally, it is a sign from God.  Well, I think that is just ridiculous (excuse my language) BS.  God blessed us with great minds that have found ways to scientifically improve our fertility, and chances of becoming pregnant.  So why not try if we want to?  I don't think there's a person in the world that God would say was not created for a reason or a purpose.   I know that I could always adopt, and let me just say, that as an adopted child, I think it is the most selfless act a mother can give her child: to carry a child for 9 months only to give that child up for adoption in hopes of a better future for them for whatever reason.  

Photo by Taylor Lee Photography

          We tried for about a year before we got pregnant.  I know, there are many couples who struggle for much longer, and I feel extremely blessed that we were able to get pregnant within a year.  However, anyone who struggles with infertility knows that whether you've been trying for a couple months, or many years, it hurts regardless, and every month of disappointment feels like a lifetime wasted.  It isn't easy.  You wonder why you're struggling with something that is supposed to be so natural to us as creatures of Earth.  And hope seems to be the only thing getting you through each month's disappointing results; hope that something will give, hope that something will change, hope that this time is different.  You have to hold onto that hope, because it will be what gets you through in the end.  And have faith that even if you don't get pregnant yourself, that doesn't mean you won't become a mother or a father.  Faith is knowing that your desire to be a parent will ultimately land you that dream job, placing you as just that, no matter the road you have to take to get there.  

          When we finally got pregnant, it wasn't totally natural, but to us, it was still perfect.  I found out I had not been ovulating, and had to take Clomid, which didn't work, then Femara, our dream medicine!  But after two cycles, and one total wash, we were blessed with not one, but two amazing gifts from God, and we will be eternally grateful for these little miracles.  We never planned on twins, and while the idea seemed scary at first, I wouldn't have it any other way!  So, to the strangers with the comments about how I'm "in for it" with my twin boys (which the comments would be a story themselves, one I promise to post about another day), they can keep those to themselves, because I am in love with these little boys and whatever crazy chaos they may bring my way, it will be our chaos, and I cannot wait for every second of it!
          So for now, I am loving every kick to the bladder, every day I feel nauseous or dizzy, and every pound I gain,  because I know how worth it this is to us.  And in a month or two, I promise to appreciate every spit up stained top, every sleepless night, and every giggle, gurgle, and smile, because I know this is something I was born for, and the struggle we faced to get here, was all worth it in the end… or I guess it's really a new beginning.

Photo by Taylor Lee Photography